R.K. Russell made history as the first active NFL player to identify as bisexual. He opens up to Tony Morrison about life, love, football and his truth.
R.K.You are truly not just winning in the game in the field that you chose, but winning in life. That is how I view out athletes today, and I hope that they feel that powerful.
TONY
This week we’re talking life, love and football. RK Russell is here. How are you my friend?
R.K.
Oh my gosh, I’m so good. How are you?
TONY
I’m so good as well. Oh my goodness, well, listen. This is not the first opportunity you’ve had to add author onto your name and credentials. At what point did writing become an outlet for you, and the first time you saw the word “author” next to your name, what did that feel like?
R.K.
I mean, the first time I think writing came to me like as a form of not just communication, but as a form of therapy, of reflection, self-expression was actually at a very young age. I remember I had lost a stepfather who was helping raise me at the age of six, and I just remember sitting down and writing this letter to God asking why and what my life would look like and like what things would be. And that was the first time where obviously something as huge and heavy as grief entered my life, and my first response was to go straight to writing, and that just continued to be a pattern. But I will say that to have the title of author is still something that is so overwhelming for me, so, like, crazy to think about, especially being in the closet for the majority of my life and not being true about my identity and my sexuality, and having kind of these compartmentalized truths. Being an author and like sharing in that way to the public was something I could never dream of and it’s something I don’t take for granted. I appreciate it. It’s shocking every time I hear it, but I hope that this book and this story reaches people that it needs to reach and that I’m able to continue to write more books and more stories.
TONY
Yeah, well, I couldn’t help but to feel how you just lit up just now when you said the word “author” with me. When it came to having that as a point of expression, and then the athleticism of it all, the football in your life, how did those areas kind of meet?
R.K.
For a long time they really didn’t. For a long time I was living this kind of very compartmentalized life. I think writing for me was so personal and it was so much about just me and my own thoughts and my own feelings. You know, sometimes expressing isn’t to the world. It is expressing to yourself, to the ones around you, to your loved ones. But football, on the other hand, sport, athleticism is something that’s so very, like, outward. Like, it’s something that everyone is able to see and to watch and to enjoy. So when I first started playing football honestly was in high school, like the later part of high school. And it seemed, you know, at that point it was, like, later in my life in terms of writing, but it was immediate, like the takeover, the electricity, the community that I felt, the brotherhood from having teammates, you know, having mentors in my life as coaches, which I hadn’t had since my stepfather had passed away. And though I had been writing so much longer, football at that moment to me seemed to really take over my world and really define me. So for a long time I just leaned into that. Honestly, it wasn’t until my memoir, “The Yards Between Us”, where I see them directly cross, talking about my experience and sharing and writing about it. But for the longest I kept them separate, to a detriment to myself.
TONY
Well, I love hearing you talk about that kind of dichotomy between this internal and external kind of expression. I feel like the word “author” for you kind of validates expression for you too, I feel.
R.K.
Definitely, and I think for me, like, being an author means that I’m willing or courageous enough or brave enough or even just have the opportunity to share, and sharing is something that terrified me for so long, that held power over me for so long. I think that’s another reason why the word “author,” you know, makes me feel so alive, because it was something where it really felt like, you know, like trauma to me, it felt like pain, it felt like fear. It felt like being outed or potentially football career. And now there’s so much power in it, so much connectivity in it, and I’m really blessed to be in this position.
TONY
I feel like a lot of times with pro athletes, there is this idea like you have to choose a life or a persona, right? What is it that football has given you in life?
R.K.
Oh, so much. Like I said, the friendships, the brotherhoods that I still carry to this day, whether it was pre-coming out or post-coming out. I do talk about mentorship a lot of the times because being from a single parent home, there was a lot of opportunity for me to be a knucklehead and to go out and get influences that weren’t positive or that were misconstrued, or go down a different path, but football always kept me on the straight and narrow. It always made me, you know, I couldn’t play football if my grades weren’t right. I couldn’t be selfish. I had to be accountable to other people. You know, I had to show up on time. I had to be dedicated, hardworking. Like, it really did build a great foundation for who I am today. And just to have excitement and joy in your life, I think is, especially as a young kid who didn’t have a lot of like money or resource, a lot of my greatest memories and my joys are around sport, around just showing up and being able to just work hard and have a good time and have fun. So football really has built me as the man I am today, and no matter what my relationship with it takes and what form it takes, I’ll always love the sport and always feel very connected to it.
TONY
And you know, we talk a lot about the stigma around being an out athlete or being an out pro athlete especially, but we know that right now in this climate, despite all of the negative conversation, queer acceptance is at an all-time high. What’s it like to be a out pro athlete today, right now?
R.K.
Yeah, it’s, I think I have to attribute all of the progress and the success that we have to multiple sources, but really to the out athletes that have led the way, that have taken that courageous step, that at times came out when it wasn’t so acceptable, when it wasn’t, you know, when you could lose your job. I have to also credit female athletes at large because a lot of those leagues and those athletes have been setting the way, not just for what it looks like to be diverse and inclusive, but what it looks like to be socially active, what it looks like to have a voice as an athlete and to use your platform in ways that not just impact you financially, but impact the world and bring us all hopefully a step closer to a humanity that feels just full of life and love for all of us. And I have to say also, the next generation. Like, the youth today and the people coming up are so not just accepting, but are eager to question, are eager to challenge, are eager to learn outside of the construct of just formal educational systems. They’re eager to find communities that look like them and to learn from communities that don’t look and love like them. So, I mean, all of that is very encouraging. I think it sets the stage for more inclusion in athletes, in athleticism and in sports, especially on the male side. And I will say to be an out athlete today means that you are not just on the team that you represent as a sports person, but a larger team, a team of humanity, a team of the LGBTQ+ community, this team that is continually growing, that is continually breaking barriers and reaching milestones. And you are truly not just winning in the game in the field that you chose, but winning in life. That is how I view out athletes today, and I hope that they feel that power, because that’s how I see all of us.
TONY
I’m here in attendance at the church of RK Russell right now. I love it. I love that. Do you think there was, was there a moment where or a shift in your life where you finally gave yourself permission to live in this truth that you’re living now?
R.K.
Yeah, beyond the buildup of, one, educating myself, ’cause at the time the information about bisexuality was so scarce to me, or there was just a lot of opposing narratives about it. So just giving myself time to learn from other bisexual people and people of different identities, and also just giving myself time to have different experiences, which is scary in the sports world, where there’s so much of a spotlight on you. But those two things were definitely the buildup, and then I would say the final catalyst unfortunately for me came from a traumatic situation. I suffered an injury to my shoulder, completely dislocated, tore, just really messed up really bad in the 2017 season, which took me out for over a year of just rehab and surgery. Also in that time I lost my best friend. He was my college roommate and teammate. He was the first person I came out to. Just a really good guy and someone I was prepared to do life with as a brother, and he was taken from us all.
TONY
What is it about the bi or bi+ experience that you think we should be talking more about?
R.K.
Oh my god, honestly, everything. I mean-
TONY
It’s like all of it.
R.K.
there is… Yeah, I mean, our community by number and by statistic is majority bisexual and bi+ people, yet we don’t necessarily see the representation, we don’t necessarily see the conversations being had, whether it be in social dialogue, whether it be film and TV. Even in doing things as an athlete, I encounter a lot of people who have not met a bisexual athlete, who know a gay athlete or a lesbian athlete or even at this point hopefully trans athletes as well, but don’t know a lot of bisexual athletes. For me, also, just like having terms that are always feel inclusive to everyone. I feel the courageous pride that comes with the word “gay” and with empowering that, you know, but to sometimes use gay in an umbrella term doesn’t feel as accepting for everyone, especially when we’re talking about our trans brothers and sisters and siblings in the community. So just little things like that. Make sure that you’re asking the question, ’cause even when you’re in friendly community spaces, we still have different identities, and just need to be aware of that.
TONY
I love that you have really brought in a lot of humanity into this conversation, and I love hearing about your take on everything, not just your life, but experiences around you within the community. And so I have to ask you, RK, looking back to your past, present, even your future self, what would you say is your truth? Who and what is RK Russell today, right now?
R.K.
Oh my gosh, today, right now he is a storyteller. He is a trailblazer regardless of whether he wants to be or not. He is someone who loves fiercely and protects even more fiercely, someone who is lit up by the opportunity to connect with people, to change and impact lives. He’s someone who has found his purpose and his calling in trying to make this world a better place for everyone, and he’s someone that I can honestly say I’m proud of today. And I don’t know if I could’ve said that before, not when I got drafted to the NFL by the Dallas Cowboys, not when I was one of the first people in my family to graduate from college. I mean, all of those were moments where I was proud of my accomplishments, but I wasn’t proud of myself, like, as a human being, as a person. And I can honestly say that I am today, that I wake up every day and do my best for all of us, not just for myself, and that is something that I hope to continue to do.
TONY
And that my friends is life, love and football, and so much more. RK, thank you so much for sitting down with me. I really appreciate it.
R.K.
Of course. Oh my God, thank you for having me.
TONY
And you guys, you can get “The Yards Between Us” anywhere you get your books. It’s out now. To see more episodes of “Truth Be Told,” check us out at Plus Life Media and pluslifemedia.com. Until next time, let your truth be told.
Watch a new episode of #TruthBeTold hosted by Tony Morrison right now.