The following is a transcript of the conversation between Tony Morrison and Kendall Toole.

KENDALL
I’m truly just wanting to be in my most full sense of self.

TONY
All right. Fists up, because truth be told, she’s a lover and a fighter, tenacious, honest and a true knockout. Peloton’s Kendall Toole, so great to talk with you.

KENDALL
Thank you so much for having me. I so appreciate it.

TONY
I’m so excited.

KENDALL
Give L.A. my love

TONY
Ugh, I sure will. So, obviously I’m a huge fan, and I’m a Pelotoner myself, and I have to say, you have me going all out in your classes because you go all out on, in your classes, and you don’t back down on us. And I think that just kind of leaves the conversation really well here. What is it about that kind of allout energy that is so contagious, you feel?

KENDALL
Oh, that’s such a good point. You know what’s funny? I always just thought it was fair. Like, I’m not gonna ask you to do something I’m not gonna do myself. Right? It only makes it, it only makes it better that way. So, really, I think being able… When someone shows up fully, you feel encouraged to do the same. So if I go or I even go a tad further, or I’m a little bit bigger, or I’m a little bit louder, I feel like it allows people the space to meet me where they’re comfortable.

TONY
Mm, I love that.

KENDALL
So I’m like, I’ll go jump off the diving board first and then everyone can come in at their leisure. You know what I mean?

TONY
Totally.

KENDALL
It works though. Yah

TONY
Well, I wanna jump right into this pain to power. Talk to me about that journey for you.

KENDALL
Oof! I mean, I’ve been very open about it, and it’s been so wonderful to share that story. But I have had um, a hell of a path with mental health. And so from the time I was very young and I was diagnosed with OCD to then being diagnosed with anxiety and depression and um being quite close to suicide my senior year of college, it has been a part of my story and it’s ironic and kind of amazing that now I understand why. So being able to motivate people through Peloton on this platform, be a face, be a voice for somebody who’s been there and still is going through it. But those painful moments really begot my greatest strength. And I didn’t recognize it at the time but what’s so wonderful about growing, evolving and developing is that life has taught me that that is my power, is those scars and those vulnerable moments and those setbacks that really helped build me into the woman I am today and the woman that I’ll be in the future.

TONY
I love that. And to that point, you have been so open with your story. What made things so hard in those dark times? And what’s in your arsenal now that you maybe didn’t have back then?

KENDALL
I would say two things were particularly rough. The concept of shame. We all have it. I think oftentimes shame comes from the expectation we have to show up in the world a certain way, whether it be because other people tell us that, or in my instance, it was my own selfexpectation. Could have been done partly from you know societal influence from the way that the world looked at me and put me in this particular, “She’s a happy bubbly blonde California girl. You know. She has no problems.” Oh honey, do I.

TONY
Yeah.

KENDALL
I will one up you on that one. But I think it was, shame was a big part of it as well as not understanding that it’s okay not to be 100%, it’s okay not to be okay, and giving myself grace. It was shame rooted and then now learning to give myself grace. So today I have a whole toolbox of different things. Pardon the pun. I know my last name. But it does, it kind of fits. So from meditation, to breath work, obviously what I do every single day, movement. Human connection is key. Fostering those great relationships. And I am, I will scream it from the rooftops, therapy and, if you need it, medication has changed my life. And I hope everybody knows that there, that is out there and it’s a safe space and it’s a wonderful resource if they need it.

TONY
And it’s very clear that you love your job and what you do.

KENDALL
I do.

TONY
What has coaching and training and instructing given you?

KENDALL
It’s really held me accountable.

TONY
Hmm.

KENDALL
So the best part and what I love the most about the Peloton community was that I had been semiopen about my mental health journey, but not to the level that I was. In having this wonderful platform of literally millions of people, which is very uh. It’s a, it’s a lot of pressure, right? You know, you’re showing up every single day and people are coming to you to either escape or to find joy, to find power to convert how they’re feeling into something good. They’re looking to you. And I take that very, very seriously. I take it as a really wonderful honor and a deep responsibility. So being able to do that, I had to keep myself in check, you know, you can’t give and you can’t create, and you can’t motivate from a space that you don’t believe in. So truly, especially through pandemic, the Peloton community held me accountable in the best way. And what was beautiful is as I opened up about my mental health story and my journey, they were just welcoming to me with open arms. And to hear that, oh my gosh, you go through it too. Oh, your daughter, your son, you have five kids and you’re 60 years old and you’re going through it. You know, there’s, it does not discriminate. So being able to have that community and that responsibility really has helped me grow and accept myself and love myself more. So it’s truly reciprocal. And you have to just remember, like when I see those names on the leaderboard, those are all people. It’s no different than likes on a photo. I think we’ve gotten so transactional because of social media. One of the challenges of that is that we just see a number. That number is people. Those people have stories. Those people have setbacks, pain, joy, love all of it. And when we remember that there’s a human behind there that this is about human connection.

TONY
Totally.

KENDALL
Yes. It’s through the guise of technology but it’s about connecting as human beings. So it’s been very wonderful and scary and confronting but I’ve grown so much cause I’m like, you know what? This is me. If you like it. Wonderful. If you don’t, I get it. I’m a lot. I’m not for everybody, but that’s okay.

TONY
I often say, you know, I, I choose joy in life because I’ve seen the alternative. Do you kind of feel the same? And what, what inspires you to choose that same joy?

KENDALL
At that moment? That’s so true. The people who are the most joyous, the most loving, the most giving and kind, in my opinion, have been through the most hell.

TONY
Yah.

KENDALL
They’ve been through the most pain and darkness because they know that that exists. Being at a place in my life, years ago. But knowing that that girl is a part of my story and knowing that she was in such a dark space and didn’t wanna do this anymore, makes me fall so much more in love with life today. Hmm.

I have no other option than to maximize this existence while I get to have it than to maximize those connections and to live with the most joy and live as fully as possible. And I deeply believe every single person on this planet deserves that right. To be a hundred percent themselves, to be vulnerable and honest and open and live as fully in their own self in their authentic self as possible.

TONY
Yeah. Now in, in the realm and genre that is mental health, what do you think? What do you think are, not that not that we’re missing, but what should we be talking about more?

KENDALL
There’s, it’s a multi, we’re just scratching the surface. It’s a multilayered issue. I would say the first thing is just having these conversations. I love encouraging people to ask the people around them or at least once a day to somebody, it could be a coworker. It could be your like barista at whatever coffee shop you’re going to. Start to engage in honest conversation and do that by saying like, oh, like how are you doing really? Like, like level with me, like what’s going on? You know? And we’re like, oh, I’m great. I’m great. No, you’re not, none of us are. We’re all deeply affected. The world. We’re all like, what is happening? What is life? It’s overwhelming and we’re all there. So I think kind of, you know, calling out the elephant in the room, like, okay, we all know we’re not fully okay right now. I think we start with honest conversation. I think the next thing that I’d love to see as well in mental health is also some levity. It’s something I’ve, I’ve really noticed recently. So many of us go through this. I think we first have to come to terms with that. But then after that point, we have to find the ways to laugh through these weirdly human experiences, you know to have a day where you’re like, yep I laid on the couch and I didn’t wanna get out of bed. And “Hey, you know what she got in the shower though”. “Win for me” and being able to normalize having moments like that and find the funny and “oh, you did it too”. I think is key as well. Mental health is a very serious, very heavy topic. There’s a lot of heavy lifting we need to do. We need to make sure that multi like communities, BIPOC communities in particular have access to resources. We have to make sure that we have these conversations. It’s gonna take some time. But that human to human connection I think is where we start. And then just being able to, you know it’s okay to laugh about it a little bit. It’s okay to say, you know, it’s me and everyone else. It’s me and all these wonderful people. We’re all a little, we’re all a little off kilter but that’s what makes us great so.

TONY
Absolutely. Ugh. I couldn’t agree more. You end every class by saying they can knock you down but they can never knock you out. And I think about that all the time, um but I, I think too that there’s power in the knockdown. Don’t you say?

KENDALL
I so agree. Cause if you don’t, if you don’t, here’s the thing though, the getting knocked down is an enlightening moment. Like, it’s what we talked about,

TONY
100%

KENDALL
Frequently right, You are stronger because of your pain. You live more full. I live a more full life because I know the alternative. I know the depth of that pain. The knockdowns. You should be so proud of yourself when you fail or when you knock down and reframing that that moment in our lives, right? So often shame comes in and we feel like we shouldn’t or we’re embarrassed or our egos get involved. The knockdowns is what begets the get back ups. The choosing to get back up for yourself is such a transformative pushes you to a higher level act because it’s the choice to say, I’m doing this for me. I know this was tough, but I’m gonna keep going. And when you choose yourself and when you choose your own wellbeing whether it be mental, physical, emotional, personal and any other plane, you get to level to that next place and you did it on your own. And there’s, that feeling of self satisfaction is pretty, pretty damn incredible.

TONY
It’s everything. It’s everything. Well, all things considered. Who would you say is Kendall today? What is your truth?

KENDALL
Oh. Hmm. That’s a really great question. My truth is changing every day is allowing myself to evolve as I let this world affect me. I would’ve said that, you know, I, it is so funny. My definition of myself had changed. Previously a couple years ago, I would list off the things that I do or my job titles. I’d say Peloton instructor, I’d say, you know, daughter, I’d say friend. And all those, all of those things are wonderful but I’m I’m. My person is more than that.

TONY
Yeah.

KENDALL
I think I’m just really in a space of exploration of acceptance and of gratitude and the coolest thing about coming from a place of gratitude and after really working on it and gratitude journaling every morning and night is that the allowance and acceptance of yourself to just be. So if I’m good one day, I will be proud of being. If I am having a tough mental health day, I will be proud of being. I’m truly just wanting to be in my most full sense of self. And if I do that, I believe I can be a positive force and I can also create a lot of good in the world. And by showing up with my own light I can help people do the same. And that’s really that’s, that’s it? I mean, I, I don’t know how else to put it. It’s such a good question.

TONY
I love it. I love it. And period. I love it

KENDALL
Period. Yes.

TONY
Kendall Toole You are a love and a light. Thank you so much. This is gonna help so many people to, to, to find their to find their love and light in themselves. So appreciate you joining me.

KENDALL
Yeah, we all glow. We all light it up

TONY
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