Find out how this positive couple still makes time for earth-shattering s@x!

You can read the transcript of their conversation with Karl below.

JANELI
And celebrating Valentine’s Day with you and with our kids, it’s been like a really crazy full circle moment.

KARL
Hello there, happy Valentine’s Day. Oh, it’s a very special edition of Plus Talk on “Plus Life,” where we turn positive into a plus and we talk about love and all those beautiful things that happen on days like today, Valentine’s Day. And who better to do that than my amazing guest, Janeli and Jake. They’re joining me from Texas. Jake is a teacher and Janeli is a TikTok superstar. Oh and they both happen to be living with HIV, who knew? Good to see you guys.

JANELI
Hi!

KARL
Happy Valentine’s Day.

JANELI
Likewise, Happy Valentine’s Day to you too.

KARL
Look, you’ve got each other, I’ve got my dog. That he’s my Valentine this year, but-

JANELI
I’m sending you kisses from afar.

KARL
Thank you very much. Janeli, you do a fantastic job. You guys document your life, married couple, you’ve got kids, you’re both HIV positive. That in of itself gives me plenty of things to ask you questions about, but because we’re about keeping it real, how do you guys keep it real and why is it so important for you to keep it so real, so publicly with stuff that you do on social media?

JANELI
When I was pregnant with my first, I was reading all the mommy blogs. I was following all the Instagram accounts, but I felt like I could not relate because I had this looming kind of fear over me with being HIV positive. My doctors told me we were gonna be fine. Everyone told me that you were gonna be good. But I wanted to find someone that I could relate to. I wish there was someone out there like me who was putting it all out there, but I didn’t feel brave enough at the time. I started a blog anonymously called, “A Positive Mommy.” And I just let the fear get to me and I took it all down. So, once we had our third child, our last child and she came out completely negative, I thought, I know I’m not alone out there. I know because I’ve seen these mothers at the clinic. I know that they exist, but they’re too scared to talk, to speak out. So, I decided to make it the mission and I said, this is not just my status, it’s our status and we have to be comfortable with this. Are you comfortable? Especially under the previous presidential administration we thought a lot of things were at risk. And so we thought, what better way to just really figure out who’s really there for us and create the life that we wanna create for our children than putting it all out there online. And we’ve gotten nothing, but, no pun intended, positive results on it.

KARL
Jake, for you, just while we talk about the kids for a second, what were the nerves like for you as a father, as an HIV positive man going into this? Were you concerned or were you firmly of the belief that U=U, even though it wasn’t publicly sort of the thing then, was the science?

JAKE
Well, at the time that we discussed going public with it, I believed it. There was a time early on, like in our relationship, where it was still, like you were saying, it was still kind of up in the air. There were caveats put on it. But when she came to me first about it, wanting to talk openly about it, she had to work on me for like a year and a half, two years to get comfortable enough to get to that point cause at that time I was at the opinion that I was never gonna say anything. Like I had best friends that I knew that they knew, but I never had addressed it with them cause they had heard it like from other people. So like, I never wanted to talk about it at all.

KARL
That’s the stigma, right? That’s the stigma that makes it. But here you are in this day and age, you’re talking about it. To get a little saucy, how has you guys accepting that you are healthy and undetectable and thus don’t present risks in many areas. How has that sort of burden and having that out and off your shoulders, how has it affected your sex life? Has it affected your sex life?

JANELI
So, as people know from my TikTok channel and our TikTok channel, our story of how I contracted HIV is a little bit different, right? So, it was through a broken condom and it was obviously really traumatic at the time and it almost drove us apart, believe it or not. It wasn’t part of our plan. Our plan forward was, okay, we’re gonna be mixed status. This is the way it’s gonna be. And are kind of earth shattered at that point. But it went from scary sexual encounters with condoms and making sure everything’s okay to like, oh, there’s less pressure and to earth shattering sex, let’s just put it that way. No, but it’s actually to your point, I’m really happy we’re talking about this cause I don’t think you’ve ever really discussed it. It really did kind of help. That was probably the one of the one positive things that really came from our relationship or intimate relationship, it was there was less fear. And I know Jake for a long time really had a hard time of me getting close to him. In fact, Valentine’s Day is really significant in our relationship because he told me he was positive on Valentine’s Day. And that was the first time we were in bed together, but not like that. We were just watching a movie and that was the closest he would ever let me get to him. So, the fact that we went from there to where we are now, celebrating Valentine’s Day with you and with our kids, it’s just it’s been like a really crazy full circle moment.

KARL
Yeah and to touch on that, Jake, I mean I can only imagine the level of… I dunno whether guilt is the right word, but you know, when you find out that this has happened, what was the process for you to get over that to where you are now and as Janeli says, to having earth shattering sex and being free of that feeling of, my God, look what I’ve done, so to speak?

JAKE
So, well what actually had had happened is, I had started the medication and the doctor, he’d even talked about U=U and how once I get to the point of being undetectable, we can have regular sex, but there was like a little miscommunication with our full understanding and the condom just broke in one of the times we were having sex before. And so, it was earth shattering. But we were legally married, we hadn’t had our religious ceremony yet. So, we were already married together. But that of of like the days of my life that are the worst like not me being diagnosed, but her being diagnosed is the worst day. And it was a lot of like self-doubt, self-guilt and just swallowing it and pushing it aside because I felt bad and she felt terrible. So, a lot of it was me pushing that aside to be there for her to help help her cope and guide her through everything.

KARL
But how did you get over that? How did you get from that to where you guys are today? And I see on the TikTok going for date night and and you can just tell that you two are a tight couple. How did you get over that hump?

JAKE
The easy answer is I loved her so much that I knew I had to just swallow it and move past it. When we talk and we talk about stuff, that’s kind of my attitude is. Like, okay, here’s the situation, it is what it is. Let’s move on.

JANELI
Well I don’t think it was that quick.

JAKE
It wasn’t that quick.

JANELI
It wasn’t that quick.

JAKE
It was not that quick.

JANELI
You’re making sound like it was like, no. There were lots of conversations. He obviously felt super guilty about it and I don’t mean to speak for him, but I’m obviously the more expressive one. I think the biggest moment, the aha moment for me and for him was, okay, look, this has happened to us, it sucks, but if I could have cut HIV out of you, I would have and I still would’ve married you. If we could cut HIV outta the both of us, we would and we would still move on. I have to accept responsibility for consenting to sex, even with a condom. That I chose that. And I always wondered why he never resented me for this because I remember the moment it happened, he was begging me to go to the hospital and I was just so, I think honestly scared and frightened that I was just like, nope, nope, everything’s gonna be fine. I think it’s gonna be fine. I mean, he was practically pushing me out the door, but I was like, no, that’s my decision. And he’s always been incredibly respectful of me and my decision. So it took several conversations for us to get to the point in realizing you know what, it sucks, but we love each other. HIV or not, we would’ve chosen each other, so let’s just move on.

KARL
Thank you for saying that Janeli because you raised two really important points that I think are important for people to hear. One is that you take responsibility for being one half of the partnership in choosing to have sex with Jake. And the other part that you both mentioned, which is you’re very kind of pragmatic and I can relate to it because when I was diagnosed, I had the same immediate sort of reaction. It was like, okay, it’s done. We can’t rewind the clock, we can’t. There’s no going back on this. So what can I do from this day forward to make sure I’m the healthiest and the best I can be? And that’s how we move forward. And it’s easier said than done I think, but thank you for making those two points because I think a lot of people just think, well it’s over and it doesn’t have to be, right?

JANELI
It doesn’t end. It doesn’t end life. Life’s gonna go on with or without you and with or without you being on board that your life has just now changed trajectories. And honestly, it changes trajectories for like… I feel like a few months really because Andy Feds who’s a comedian, an HIV positive comedian, always says it best. He says, I forget I’m HIV positive until I take my HIV meds. And of course that takes time and that takes quite a while. But that’s the point where like we are. We’ve got three dogs who are running around causing ruckus. We’ve got three kids who could not care less that we do this. Like if they were here, they’d be asking us to like, where’s dinner and life has moved on. You just have to accept it and move forward and know that we are in the best place possible right now when it comes to HIV to live a full and happy life. You know, God bless or universe plus whatever you believe in that you were diagnosed at this day and age where we have medication, U=U and everything happening.

KARL
So, is it fair to say that or ask the question that then really, HIV doesn’t come up for you guys? You’re on living your lives, other than when you take that pill, especially when it comes to the bedroom, right? It’s like we’re a married couple, we get on with it.

JANELI
Basically, yeah and also, we choose to bring it up to the forefront when we do the our social media stuff or TikTok channel. Otherwise, it wouldn’t really come up.

KARL
What about with the kids? Cause you know, there’s always people out there that go, oh, but what about the poor children? And it’s like, come on.

JANELI
Yeah.

JAKE
I mean the kids are fine. We’ve told them, but they’re still at an age where they don’t fully comprehend. So it’s just like, okay, so you take a medicine. Okay, yeah, you’re fine, okay.

JANELI
Yeah and that’s just kind of it. And you know, we plan on living long and happy healthy lives just like everyone else. We could, god forbid, die tomorrow, something could happen. Having children is risky, period. It’s a risk, it’s scary no matter what. And yeah, like Jake said, we plan on being honest with them and we plan on telling them everything. We feel that honesty is the best policy and just put it out there within age appropriate range

KARL
And Jake, I mean obviously, you are busy being a teacher. Janeli, you are busy with your work, as well as all the family life. So how do you guys find the time? What do you guys do to make sure that you two have that time, so that date nights happen and I think to use your language there, earth shatteringly good sex happens?

JANELI
Yes!

KARL
Boom!

JANELI
I dunno, what do we do?

JAKE
Well, honestly, it happens in the mornings.

JANELI
Oh my God, you don’t have to get that specific. We’ve incorporated into routine as much as we try. Oh my God, I’m gonna start blushing.

JAKE
Hey, that’s what it’s about.

KARL
That’s what it’s about. Well, no, but some people would say, scheduling sex isn’t sexy, but I would imagine, and I have a dog, so I’m not in the parenting business like you guys are, but if you don’t kind of schedule it, it doesn’t happen. But how do you make scheduling sex sexy for each other?

JANELI
I don’t know that we schedule it, so much as we make it a priority. You know, we can tell the difference when life has gotten busy and we haven’t, we’re like, what’s wrong? Oh, that’s what’s wrong. Okay, let’s figure this out. And so, we try to incorporate it into a routine. Best way to wake up, right? So yeah, there’s that. And then, for date nights and things like that, I wish we could say we have like a weekly date night. We don’t, we’re super busy, but we tend to kind of both mutually feel like, hey you know what, we haven’t hung out. Let’s let’s do that. We’ll take any opportunity to go out and do something like this. Or any time we just try to prioritize each other really. That’s the big point.

KARL
I love that. And everyone’s journey’s different, everybody’s story’s different. But what advice would you give folks out there who, a lot of them living with HIV go, nobody wants me, I’m damaged goods or I’m gonna be single forever. What are some just sort of general words of wisdom as two people who are in a happily married, committed love life with great sex, who are both positive, what words of wisdom do you wanna share with the lonely hearts of us out there on Valentine’s Day?

JAKE
Well, to go back to like when you’re newly diagnosed and to me when I was, that’s when that feeling came up, okay, life’s over. I don’t know what’s gonna happen. You kind of just have to realize and accept what the doctors are telling you that everything’s gonna be okay. Yes, you have to take a medication now. You have to be more on top of your health, but for the most part, you’re gonna be fine. And that you can still live your life and live a long healthy life. Like for example, my doctor cares more about my cholesterol than my HIV because-

KARL
Yep.

JANELI
I would say yes it does, it feels like the rug’s been ripped out from underneath you and it’s really intense, but you really also, in the words of RuPaul, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else if you can’t love yourself? And I really think that’s super important and what that means for everyone is different. But what that means is also kind of like the boring stuff of going to the doctor, making sure you’re taking care of yourself. That is self-love. And once you get to that point to be completely okay with where you are, or maybe you’re not completely okay, but that’s okay. One pill at a time, one day at a time, you’re gonna get there and really truly remember that the science is on your side. Don’t get so scared. U=U is real. I’m living proof of it. Love yourself and the love will come and it’ll be attracted to you.

KARL
Great words of wisdom from Jake and Janeli. I wish we had more time, but listen, it’s Valentine’s Day and you two have to get on with it or your date at the least to start with. I mean, if we feel the earth moving here, it won’t be an earthquake in California, it might just be you guys in Texas. Janeli and Jake, thank you so much for joining me.

JANELI
Thank you.

JAKE
Thank you.

JANELI
One of my dreams since I sort of came out was to talk to you and be on here, so you’re making a dream-

KARL
Oh really?

JANELI
Yes.

KARL
Oh wow, well thank you. That’s very sweet, that’s touching. Hey, that’s gonna do it for this episode of “Plus Talk,” but remember, you can follow us across social media platforms we are @PlusLifeMedia or visit the website pluslifemedia.com and we will put Janeli’s TikTok information in the captions and whatever that stuff that happens below here that I don’t know how that works, somebody else does. So, we’ll put all of that there and until next time, be nice to each other and happy Valentine’s Day, see ya.