“We are only as sick as the secrets we keep…”

Writer, comedian and director, Oliver Wong (@oliverwongcomedy) discusses how he turned pain into purpose.

You can read the transcript of Oliver’s conversation with Karl below.

OLIVER
We are only as sick as the secrets that we keep.

KARL
Hello there. Welcome to Plus Talk on Plus Life where we’re all about turning positive into a plus and having a giggle along the way. And who better than Oliver Wong, who’s joining me, who makes us laugh via TikTok and then stand up. Hey Oliver.

OLIVER
Hi Karl. Thank you so much for having me.

KARL
Thank you so much for doing this. Oliver, like me, you are living with HIV and what I think is great about you and when I look at your content that you create is you are finding humor in what a lot of people consider a very dark, gloomy subject. Um. Do you think laughter is the best medicine?

OLIVER
Laugh is the best medicine. I mean, I don’t know if it’s the best but I think it’s a medicine. It’s pretty effective for me, myself.

KARL
Tell me where you found this humor because I know you were diagnosed a little over or almost two years ago. And your circumstances in contracting HIV weren’t the best if we, if we’re being honest. Tell me a bit about that and then tell me how you came to find the humor in coping with this.

OLIVER
Yeah, so I got HIV two years ago when I was traveling Arizona. And then I hooked up with a guy and I remember I asked the guy about his status before we hooked up and then he told me he is negative. And then about three months after the hooked up I found out I am HIV positive. And then I think he gave it to me ’cause it’s during those times I didn’t really have any unprotected sex with anybody else. So I text him, “Hey, I think you might have given me HIV.” And then he just did not respond and then I called and he did not picked up. So I’m pretty sure he probably lied to me or he probably felt embarrassed. So that’s that. So I got HIV from person who knows they have HIV so that is a little sad. However, I, the thing about humor is that’s just something that I always have but I don’t know where does it come from? Maybe just from childhood experience like, I was bullied in child, in high school and then when I first came to America seven years ago I didn’t really have any, you know, friends and family so I was really lonely. So there are some tough times but during those tough times I, during those time, at the time it was really difficult. But now looking back those times, actually, are really good source of humor for myself. But I don’t know why. I guess they’re just something that I do. And then yeah, yeah.

KARL
How do you pick yourself up off the ground from an HIV diagnosis like that when you, you know, it’s hard enough getting that news, but then it’s seemingly, quite obvious that the person lied to you. How do you get, how do you get past that?

OLIVER
Well, I seek therapists for a little bit and it does help. And then another thing that makes me get better real quick is I know that with the current medication I can become undetectable and then I can become healthy. I will not be, you know, dragged down by this disease. So that really helps, knowing that the medication will help me. And then I think by talking about it in public and on social media helps me the most. ‘Cause I heard a comedian, Whitney Cummings. She once said, we are only as sick as the secrets that we keep. So I know if I keep my HIV status as a secret it’s only gonna make me feel sick. ‘Cause that makes me, ’cause that means, “Oh I’m probably ashamed of my status. I’m embarrassed. I don’t want people to know.” However, by talking about it, it actually kind of normalize it. It makes me feel like, “Oh it’s not a, it’s not a big of a deal.” And most of the audience, they are really accepting of my condition, you know?

KARL
Yeah, I mean that you’re right, the more we talk about it, the less frightening it becomes. But what about when it comes to having the conversation with your parents, Oliver? Because my sources tell me you haven’t had that conversation but have they seen your content and has that come up?

OLIVER
Yeah, so my parents, they all follow my social media. Instagram, Facebook, even Twitter, they all follow me. And on these social media I talk about my HIV status. But in English, however, my parents, they are Taiwanese they don’t speak English, they speak Mandarin. So I don’t think they know what I’m talking about even though I believe, they see my content already. So there is kind of tricky. And what’s even funny is that one time my dad he even liked one of my HIV videos, but he didn’t really message me about anything about HIV. So I didn’t really know if he knew or he just like, “Oh this is a cool video, let me like it.” I don’t know.

KARL
Well, I mean, look, if, if, if they do know then it’s kind of probably cool that they’re not making a thing of it, right? They’re just letting you get on with it because surely someone’s gotta translate. I mean, isn’t, there’s gotta be a relative somewhere that goes, “Hang on. Have you seen Oliver’s? Should we talk about this?”

OLIVER
I really don’t know, but I think my dad, he probably will be really chill finding out my HIV status. But I think my mom, as a mom, she’ll be really worried.

KARL
What’s the most important thing other than I guess, undetectable = untransmittable is a huge thing that those of us living with HIV learn that really helps us cope and as you say, “Turn the corner”. But what are, what’s the most important thing you’ve learned about yourself during this journey of the last two years of living with HIV? What has it taught you about you?

OLIVER
I think one thing that I have to accept is that getting HIV is not my fault. And then that translates to a lot of things in my life. I have to learn to tell myself, “Oh Oliver, that is not your fault that thing happened.” You know, sometimes things happen for a reason and like, sure, I had unprotected sex with a guy so maybe that is irresponsible of me. Looking back, you can think that way. However, during that time, the reason why I hooked up with a guy was merely because I was lonely. And then I don’t think you can blame somebody for feeling lonely and they seek out sex ’cause we are just human beings. We all have emotions and some people have more emotions than other people and people cope their emotions differently. There’s no right way, there’s no wrong way as you are not murdering people. You know?

So I just have to tell myself it’s not my fault. Some things happened.

KARL
Yeah. And it’s, I think that’s a really healthy and positive perspective to put on it because there is still so much shame associated with well, sex in general, but then contracting HIV, I mean you take it to another level though because you are also now an accomplished adult film director and writer. I mean, you’re, you’re making porn baby.

OLIVER
Yeah, I am making porn, I am making straight porn.

KARL
Did how did, does, how does, did that ever, like, I mean when you came to America seven years ago did you go, “Hmm, hang on. Put that on my to-do list.”

OLIVER
No, I came here seven years ago to wanna to work in Hollywood. So I guess now it, it’s not gonna happen anytime soon, but now- okay anyways. So, well, I got into the adult industry through a friend referral over a year ago and then I immediately said yes without any hesitation. You know, I’m always open minded and I have education in film making so I know how to make it. So I just, you know, been doing it for over a year.

KARL
But interestingly with, with your HIV status and the way you’re so openly positive about it, has that led to interesting conversations on set with talent and things? I know that there are some pretty strict laws certainly, in California when it comes to adult filmmaking and condom use and things like that. But have you been able to have, you know, educational I guess, conversations with some of your talent or your crew about what it means to live with HIV that has changed people’s minds within the adult film industry?

OLIVER
Yeah, good question. So yeah, in the adult industry, every performer they have to get tested for Gonorrhea, Syphilis and HIV and Chlamydia before they have sex. So it’s a really highly regulated industry so people are aware of all these STD you know, conditions and then STD testing procedures. But the thing is, the performers, I don’t think they really talk about HIV specifically. And I think the reason they don’t talk about it is because it’s so highly regulated. So you don’t really hear people getting HIV in the adult industry, especially in the heterosexual aspect because when you see the STD result, everybody is negative. So there’s like really no need to talk about it. However, I do talk about my HIV status with my crew though, yeah.

KARL
I love that. I think it’s fantastic. For you now as you sort of stand where you are and you look back over the past two years and the trajectory that your life has taken in the world of standup comedy, in adult film and just living with HIV, what would you say is your, your proudest achievement of this journey so far?

OLIVER
Wow I mean, on the personal side I think being able to make Americans laugh as an immigrant is my proudest moment. I think I’m proud of myself doing that ’cause it’s hard to tell jokes in your second language. And it’s not even just a language, sometimes it’s a cultural thing. You need to be really familiar with the culture in order to tell a joke. And then on the professional side, I mean I have gotten nominated by some adult awards as best director of the year and that is also something I’m proud of.

KARL
I love it. Well, Oliver Wong, you entertain us on TikTok with your own account. You entertain many with your directorial skills in the adult film world. But thank you for just being open and honest. You know, it, it’s, it’s not easy. And even when we are so joyful and we make a lot of people laugh and we have a lot of fun there are still days where it’s tough. So I appreciate you sort of getting up and putting on that face, that brave face and being your true authentic self and helping spread the word that HIV is nothing to be afraid of anymore.

OLIVER
Yeah and then if the time is tough, watch some porn.

KARL
And if, if the time is tough, watch some porn. Oliver Wong, thank you so much. That’s gonna do it for this episode of Plus Talk. If you want more information or you want to check out Oliver’s TikTok or maybe even some of his adult content, get to the website pluslifemedia.com. We’ll put all the links there and you can follow us across social media. We are at @PlusLifeMedia. Until next time. Take care of yourself. Be nice to one another. Oliver Wong, goodbye. Goodbye.

OLIVER
Bye.