What was Eddy’s reaction when her son disclosed? It might not be what you think…

Eddy Klementich, the mother of previous guest Dorian, discusses what it felt like to hear her son was HIV+ 25 years after she lost her brother to AIDS related illnesses.

The following is a transcript of the conversation between Eddy and Karl.

KARL
Hello, there. Welcome to Plus Talk on Plus Life where we’re all about turning positive into a plus. Today we are talking about HIV and how it affects the parents of those diagnosed. And joining me is a parent. Her name is Eddy. She’s the mother of Dorian who was a guest a few weeks ago. Hi, Eddy. Good to see you.

EDDY
Hello. Nice to see you, too.

KARL
Thank you for making the time. I know you’re on your way to work; that’s why you’re in the car. But I really appreciate you having this conversation because we always have guests on the show and it’s people living with HIV and from their perspective. Way, way back, we had my parents on to talk about how they felt when I was diagnosed, but today we’re gonna talk about how you felt. And I feel like your situation is pretty unique. Do you want to tell us why?

EDDY
Well, the fact that almost 25 years to the day I was dealing with a similar situation. But that being with my brother. He got ill and when the doctors were gonna come in to talk to him about what was going on with him, my husband and I joined him at the hospital. And basically the bomb was dropped right then and there that he was HIV positive and it was just a rollercoaster ride from there on. Unfortunately, my brother only survived three months past that diagnosis, and at that point I became basically his bedtime nurse. Sorry, I’m getting a little chocked up. Dorian was just a baby then.

KARL
Dorian’s your son.

EDDY
Correct, Dorian is my son. So then here we are, fast forward 25 years later and I’m at work one day and Dorian calls me and I can hear it in his voice. He was very distraught and of course, typical mother, “What’s the matter?” What’s going on? Talk to me.” And he said, “Mom, I was diagnosed with HIV.” So my thought was, I just went back 25 years, back to when, with my brother. And so I just said, “Okay, all right. What’s the next step? What are we doing from here?” And I just reassured him that medicine has come a long way from 25 years ago and I told them, “You’re gonna be okay. You have your family behind you. What is the next step? What did the doctors say? What are we doing here?”

KARL
When you hung up the phone and as you said, 25 years to the day, tell me about what you felt inside as a mother, even though you’ve gone through this, even though you know about the medicine, even though you’re very well educated and you understand. ‘Cause there’s a, which is a rarity, I think for a lot of parents. But here you are, you’ve been through it all before, but still what goes on inside?

EDDY
As soon as I hung up the phone, I just knew I needed to get home. My son needed me, I needed to wrap my arms around him and reassure him that everything is gonna be fine. Even though I was falling apart in the inside. I just went back 25 years, like I said, and all I keep thinking is, “My brother only lasted three months. God, please don’t take my child, too. I cannot go through this for the second time.” But I needed to be strong. I needed to keep myself together ’cause it wasn’t about me, it was about Dorian needing me and reassuring him, like I said, that everything was gonna be okay. Different times and he’s gonna be okay. And I just needed him to know that.

KARL
And so, I mean, again, Dorian is so lucky to have a mother like you and and his father also, Joseph, to have that support. So many of us when we are diagnosed are so frightened. I remember for me personally, I immediately thought, “How could I do this to my parents? How could I do this?” And I’ve gotta imagine that for some, in some respects in Dorian’s case it might have felt almost double that to go, “My God, how could I do this to my mother?” Did you guys ever have a conversation like that and how did you grapple with that and as you say, wrap your arms around him and assure him that it doesn’t matter, honey, we’ll get through this.

EDDY
Exactly. And that’s just what happened when we met up at home. Obviously he broke down and he was just in shock like the rest of us as to what his reality is now and how he was blindsided by this. And like I said, I just kept telling him, “It’s all gonna be okay. We’re gonna get through this together. Dad, your brother, we’re with you and we just need to go on from here. What is the next step?” That’s all I could telling him is, “What is the next step? Where do we go from here?” And, “You’re gonna be okay. I know you’re gonna be okay.”

KARL
Yeah, it’s that survival mode you kick into, isn’t it? I mean, I remember again,

EDDY
Correct.

KARL
It’s kind of like, “Well, what’s done is done. So what do we do? What are the next steps?”

EDDY
Exactly.

KARL
So you would you agree with the comment statement then that education is key in the first days, minutes, hours or whatever of dealing is getting yourself up to speed on what HIV means in this day and age?

EDDY
From 25 years ago to now, I know that there is so many other resources out there. Medicine has become so much better and I know that my son has a very good chance at this to where I feel that my brother was cheated out of it and he didn’t have that opportunity. So the education is key, honestly.

KARL
Exactly. Education is key. What about, I want to talk more about sort of taking it off Dorian for a moment and how you process and cope. You’ve got your husband Joseph, you’ve got your other son. But what did you do for you, as a mother to, even though you’d tragically gone through this news 25 years prior, how did you, what steps did you take to make sure that you could be the strong support that you, as a mother, needed to be for your son during this time?

EDDY
You know, me as a person, I have always been one to just stuff my feelings and show the world that everything’s okay. And that’s exactly what I did. My number one concern was making sure my son was okay and that he felt supported, that he felt not alone. So I was the last of my worries. I just, I honestly just became focused with my son, making sure that he was okay. He did go into a period of a dark place. I was worried about him being in that place and my number one concern and focus was get him out of there, get him out of there with however and whatever I could do to get him out of there. We sat down, we talked, we were very openly honest with each other, and he expressed to me how he didn’t wanna deal with this. He just didn’t wanna deal with, I guess the stigma that comes behind it, and having to face life, society, I don’t know. And as hard as it was for me, my job is to be there for my children, to support them, to know that I’m behind them 100%. I’ve always told them, no matter what, I will always be their biggest fan, their biggest cheerleader. And I just told them it’s about you right now. Whatever you wanna do.

KARL
I remember talking to Dorian and he said that, you had sort of said to the effect, “Look, if you don’t wanna do this, we don’t have to do this. You don’t do it.” That’s gotta be a hard thing for a mother to say to a child when you know that that’s quite possibly the worst case scenario. How do you navigate that, Eddy?

EDDY
My focus was him and his state of mind. I didn’t want him to feel that he was breaking my heart, that he was gonna do something tragically that would just break me down. Like I said it, at that point in time, it was not about me, it was about Dorian and him hearing what he needed to hear from mom.

KARL
When you hear him saying, “I don’t want to do this,” and it’s largely based because of the stigma, how do you feel about that? That we are still in a place where we were 25, 30, 40 years ago when it comes to how people think of people living with HIV?

EDDY
It’s very frustrating. I know it’s hard for people to understand. But until you live it physically and you have it in your own home, there’s some people that you just won’t, no matter what you say, no matter what you do, you won’t get them to understand.

KARL
Thank you so much for your time. Thank you for sharing this story and thanks for

EDDY
Thank you.

KARL
Thanks for being an awesome mom, too.

EDDY
Well, thank you. Thank you, guys. Thank you for doing this so that other people, like my son, have a place to go to and realize that they’re not alone.

KARL
Yeah.

EDDY
There’s tons of people out there in the world dealing with what they’re dealing with.

KARL
And that’s why we do it. That’s gonna do it for this episode of Plus Talk. Thanks for joining us. If you want more information, check out our website pluslifemedia.com. And remember, you can follow us across social media platforms. We are @PlusLifeMedia. Eddy, thank you. Until next time, take care of each other. Be nice. We’ll see you soon.