Brace yourself for an inspiration overload! Karl speaks with activist Kecia J about living a positive life.
The following is a transcript between Kecia and Karl.
KECIA
Using my voice is my healing.
KARL
Hello there. Welcome to “Plus Talk” on Plus Life, where we’re all about turning positive into a plus. My guest today has been doing that really, since the day she was diagnosed, which is really impressive. Kecia J, good to have you on “Plus Talk.”
KECIA
I am so excited to be here. Like the platform is amazing, so I’m ecstatic.
KARL
Well, thank you very much. And as I said in the intro, you kind of almost immediately, when you got diagnosed went “Right, I am gonna share my story and help others.”
KECIA
Yes.
KARL
Why?
KECIA
For me, I’ve always been a person to where, you know, speak your truth. Your voice is your voice. Working in the entertainment industry, and working and seeing different artists and women who, their talent got overshadowed by them not being able to use their voice. So coming from that, and being around that, when it happened to me, my thing was, look, my voice matters, because I know there are a ton of other people living with this, living in secret. Not just in entertainment industry alone, but just across the country, the globe, period. Because they’re afraid of the stigma, the shame, or whatever comes to it. So, my thing is, if I can be the bold person, or the bold ambassador, or the person who kind of is fearless in doing so, I said right out the gate, once I got myself back healthy, that’s what I was gonna do.
KARL
Was it scary for you to make that decision and do it?
KECIA
It was scarier for me not to. Right. Because-
KARL
How so?
Explain that.
KECIA
Because for me, using my voice is my healing. Everybody has their way of healing. Everybody has how they cope with things. I mean, I was already going through a lot of things, actually here in the city of Houston, and I was at my breaking point to where like, “Look, like, don’t get me wrong, I am a super duper nice person. I’m very neutral, but when it comes to respecting my core, myself, and my voice, that’s something that’s unwavering. So I said immediately, “The only way for me to heal through this, is to do what I know best.” And that’s to speak and use my voice. No, this is not a typical speaking engagement I would do. This is my life. But, if it can help me heal, and then I can help others heal in the process, I mean, that’s priceless.
KARL
How did you deal with any blowback, if you got blowback or criticism from people around you, especially those who care, you really cared and respected?
KECIA
Yeah. And you know what? So I will say this, in the beginning, in the entertainment industry, I didn’t say anything. And I’m gonna tell you why. A lot of the artists I worked with were a bit, I will say younger, okay, so they didn’t have a clear understanding. So I knew if I told them it would be a meltdown, like, “Oh my gosh, she’s gonna die.” So what I wanted to do, was to instill in them that in their artistry, or in their talent, they need to align that with philanthropy, right, whatever that may be. So, as they kind of saw, that I would tell them to collide the two, they then found out that I had it, and they were like, “So you’ve been operating this whole time, and you had…” And I’m like, “Yes.” So now, they’re like, “Well you look like this, so you’re fine.” So by me doing that, it was me more so showing you better than I can tell you. Because if I can tell, if I tell you, you’re gonna stick to the stigma, ’cause that’s all the world knows. But if I show you, you’re gonna see that I’m living, I’m thriving, I’m still managing you in your life. You know? So the blowback, I didn’t really get. I really didn’t get that. When people found out, it was more so like, “Oh my God, are you serious? That happened to you?” And in my mind I’m like, “Why would it not be able to happen to me?” You know.
KARL
It can happen to all of us, right?
KECIA
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
KARL
As we say, HIV doesn’t care what color you are, where you come from.
KECIA
It doesn’t care.
KARL
It doesn’t discriminate. How can we shift those stigmatized minds? How can we change those?
KECIA
Man, that’s an amazing thing. I actually did a TED talk on that, and it was shifting the stigmatized mind. And so there’s stigma with everything, right? Unfortunately, with HIV/AIDS, the stigma is so much stronger. And where I come in is, I started my 1 Million Voices campaign, and this was over a decade ago. And what I realized, unfortunately, in this day and time, the world will listen to celebrities, influencers, and public figures in music, before they will listen to someone who’s sitting right in their face, thriving and shining with a disease. They will still attach it back to stigma. So I said, for me, I wanna be creative with shifting the stigmatize mind. So what I do, is I go use the voices of a mix. So I’ll use voices of advocates, I’ll use voices of influencers, voices of country music singers, and give it a shift of, and ask them, “How does HIV relate to you?” You know. And you’ll be surprised how some of them will say, “Well, I had a friend in the 80’s, I had a friend in the 90’s that passed away from it.” So then by them using that little excerpt, and using their voice, what it does is, it gets others on the outside to say, “Whoa, really? I didn’t even know AIDS went back that far.” “I didn’t even know…” Like the stuff I’ve heard, it’s crazy. Just by someone simply using their voice. So how do we shift the stigma? We have to change the conversation. And we have to start actually having the conversations by using voices. It can’t just be advocates.
KARL
Right.
KECIA
Right? It can’t just be. And I think we have a tendency to try to break stigma amongst each other. Right? And that’s not gonna get us anywhere. Because the stigma is outside of us.
KARL
I’m curious what steps you took. I mean, you talk about using your voice, and being out there, and, but you know, internalized stigma is very real for all of us living with HIV.
KECIA
Very real. Yes.
KARL
What were some of those early steps you took, to help you, turn down the volume of the internal dialogue of that stigma, to help you get beyond that?
KECIA
Yeah, for me it was just seeing so many uneducated people. So I kind of slow rolled telling individuals, whether it was family, friends or whomever. And everybody pretty much had the same thing, crying, “Oh, my God.” It was literally like, they immediately was like, “Oh, she’s gonna die.” Because in their mind, the only person who’s lived is Magic Johnson. They’re not even thinking about Ray Lewis Thornton, Hydeia Robinns, they’re not even… It’s just straight, you know? So, what helped me kind of tweak it in my head was, I was like, “I cannot leave this earth with people in front of me thinking like this.” Like, “This is bizarre to me.” And at that time, undetectable equals untransmittable was not even being pushed like that at all. It was more so clinical trials, and all these other things. And for me, I just, I cannot go out like that. You know? And that may sound crazy, but I had to kind of restructure my mind, even in the hospital bed. And you know, when you’re diagnosed, it’s a bit demeaning. And I tell people that all the time. You know, they don’t care. And I was on a breathing machine, PCP pneumonia, two t-cells, and they didn’t care. They wanted me to write down my partners, in a wheelchair. They wrote me to the next room. I wrote down my partners. And in that moment I said, “Absolutely not.” Imagine if I did not have the courage and the strength, this will break another person down, completely. So in my head, I had to reprogram and say, “I have to make it through this.” I have to show people that I can still be the fabulous and fierce Kecia J past all of this, you know, me being demeaned, so I felt, and just feeling kind of like at your lowest, because you become a number when you’re diagnosed. So how did I get through that? I literally, all of that dehumanization that I felt, I had to reprogram that and turn it into power, to make sure that I did all I could to make people not feel how I felt in that moment.
KARL
You talked there about “You equals you.” And it is such a powerful, and simple and basic message. And it’s science, it’s fact. There is zero risk. There is zero risk of transmission if you’re undetectable. But a lot of people in your community, Kecia, don’t know that, or don’t want to hear it. How do we fix that?
KECIA
Again, I’m gonna tell you how many people, and I have a daughter, as you can hear, she’s four. And, even up to probably a couple of months ago, everybody said, “You have a daughter? How did that happen?”
- [Karl] Well.
KECIA
“So does the dad have it?” Like, “What?” And almost you’re blown back, because you see all of these, “You equals you” campaigns all over the bus stops and what have you. But in our, in my community, it’s really taboo. They see it, but they don’t want to hear it. Right? And it’s, and it’s strictly because HIV/AIDS is equals to them, life being over, not “You equals you.” So it has to be more individuals of different spectrums to say something. It can’t just be the cis hetero woman, black woman. It has to be the hetero black male. It has to be people coming out and having those conversations, because at this point, as black women, we’re carrying, we’re running with the torch, with the numbers being the highest when it comes to it. And people have heard our stories, and not, that does not invalidate our stories. It’s just saying that we as black women, we need other individuals in our culture to come, outside of the trans, our trans sisters, outside of the LGBTQI Plus community, to come and share their voice too. So it doesn’t make it seem like, if I’m a black man and I have the virus, I can’t say that. Because it’s gonna tie me to being a gay black man. And that’s not, that’s not the truth. So until we kind of get other people to kind of be comfortable in their truth, unfortunately in my culture, it’s gonna always kind of be this cloud of stigma.
KARL
We got a lot of work to do, Kecia.
KECIA
A lot of work.
KARL
Well, I am glad that we’ve had just this very short amount of time to chat and Plus Talk.
KECIA
Yes.
KARL
It’s been a real treat. Thank you for making the time to chat with me.
KECIA
Of course. Always.
KARL
Kecia J, you are the best. That’s gonna do it for this episode of “Plus Talk.” If you want more information about what we’ve talked about, or other topics, check out the website pluslifemedia.com. And remember, you can follow us across social media platforms. We are @pluslifemedia. Until next time, take care of yourself, be nice. Don’t forget to wash your hands. We’ll see you soon. Bye-Bye.