Sex educator, HIV activist, and writer Ashley Cobb comes to +Talk to discuss why she is on PrEP, and what people often get wrong about sex and HIV.
The following is a transcript between Karl and Ashley.
ASHLEY
Because I like having raw _,
KARL
Does PrEP make sex better? Well, joining me today is Ashley Cobb. She’s a sex educator, an HIV activist.
ASHLEY
Thanks for having me.
KARL
Thank you for being here. So, let’s talk about this prep. Does it make sex and the sexual experience better, do you think?
ASHLEY
I think it does because it re, it removes one layer of worry, right? There was a study done with PrEP users who were, were male, and they had found that because they were on PrEP, they were more likely to explore and try new things and, you know, do different, do different things like group s@x, stuff like that. So, yeah, so I think being on PrEP does make it a little more, it makes it more fun and it makes it better.
KARL
Well, and, and tell, talk to me from the perspective of someone who is not a male, because, you know, we talk about PrEP a lot and everyone still seems to think that PrEP is just for gay men. First of all, let’s dispel that myth. It is for everybody. One, from your perspective, since you’re not a gay man, right? How does it affect, how does it affect sex for you?
ASHLEY
Right. So because, so I’m on PrEP, I’ve been on prep for almost two years. So for me, the same thing, like being on prep lets me be able to try all the things I wanna try. So I’m, I, I don’t, I’m on PrEP because I like having Raw s@x, right?
KARL
Condomless s@x,
ASHLEY
yes, condomless s@x, right? I like having condomless s@x. I, and I wanna be able to do that. So I’m on PrEP, so be, and I also like to try and do things and explore with my partners. We go to like, sets, clubs, we engage in different type of swinger activities. So it it, for me, it, it re, it removes the worry of having to worry about, you know, do I, do I do I need to go get a HIV test. Now of course you have other worries like, you know, chlamydia, syphilis, all those things. But being on prep relieves that worry. So, yeah. You know, I love it.
KARL
I like that. And tell me, what’s the reaction you get from your girlfriends and other females when you talk about PrEP? Because again, a lot of people think this is just for dudes. What, how do you have those conversations with your female friends?
ASHLEY
So I tell them, like, being on PrEP also allows me to take control of my sexual health. I don’t have to worry about what my partner is doing. Yes. You know, you know, you wanna make sure you ask people or have you been directly tested or how often do you go to the doctor? But, but by me being on PrEP, whether they go to the doctor or not, or whether they’ve been tested recently or not, I know that I am doing what I need to. And so it kind of like, I don’t, I don’t put all the pressure on them or, or, or offer responsibility on them. So for me, I, I tell, you know, my female friends that being on PrEP allows you to take control and not put all the, put the pressure on your male partners or female partners or whomever you’re having sex with. And that’s what I like. ’cause most of the people that I know, most of the, most of the women that I know that acquired HIV acquired it from a, from a, from a male partner that they were supposedly be in a monogamous relationship with. And as we know, monogamy is not a prevention method. You know, being married is not a prevention method. Right. So for me, it gives you, it, it, it allows you to take control back over your sexual health. So yeah, that’s, that’s how I try to spin it to them.
KARL
That’s so important. What was it like for you sort of making the decision to get on PrEP? Because I think a lot of people, male, female, however they identify gender wise and sexuality wise, still think, oh my gosh, this is a, a, a very toxic medication. I’m gonna have to be on it forever. There are horrible side effects. Talk me, talk to me a little bit about your, your process in weighing up the pros and cons and what your experience has been like on PrEP.
ASHLEY
So I got on PrEP mainly because I thought that I could be a better advocate for it if I was actually on it. So I was like, okay, I’ll be the Guinea pig of sorts. I’ll get on it and then I’ll tell other people about it. ’cause I’m a sex educator, so it, you know, it just seems, you know, I wanna be able to walk it like I talk it, I’m telling you to get on something, but I I’m not on it. Right. So I got on it for that reason. Mainly, I haven’t had any, any serious side effects. And women are very vain, right? So we wanna know, is it gonna make us gain weight? So no, I have not gained any significant weight. I, I have a, a low haircut anyway, but my hair is still there. I’ve, I, it has not killed my libido. I still like having sex hasn’t changed any of that. So, yeah. So I haven’t had any, any side effects that probably matter to women. No.
KARL
Yeah. And what I like is you said it, it, it, it is taking back control of, of your body and, and your choices, which is so important as is talking about sex. We don’t talk about it much in this country. We get very nervous about it. It makes people very uncomfortable. Although we all do it, we all like it, whether it’s by ourselves or with someone or you know, whatever. Why is it important that we talk about sex, especially for younger folks?
ASHLEY
Because one talking about sex, the more we talk about it, the less taboo it becomes. That’s the first thing. And by talking about sex, you realize that, oh, there’s other people who like what you like. It’s like some people feel like, or, or there’s other people who have the same issues that you have. Like for example, a lot of women, most women are not able to orgasm through, right. But some people feel like they are the only one who can do that. And the more you talk about stuff like you and then you realize, oh, it’s 70% of women are like, are just like you. So then you, then you realize, oh, there’s other people who also don’t orgasm. Right? And then you have people who are into different things. Let’s, let’s say something, you know, it maybe you’re into a foot fetish and you feel like there’s no one I can talk to about this foot fetish. No one in the whole wild world likes feet. And then the more you talk about it, you learn there’s other people who like feet. And then two, because sex ed in America sucks, right? Most of it is abstinence based, which is abstinence is great. I’m not talking, you know, abstinence is great, but we know abstine does not work ’cause people are having sex, right? So if we can talk about, if we talk about sex earlier, people will know about, can be better prepared. Because now what’s happening, we don’t talk about it at all. And now, so people are doing trial and error and they’re trying to figure it out on their own, which is, which is why we have an, an uptake in STDs and all the different things. But people are not prepared. They don’t know how to, how to have safer sex.
KARL
Yeah. And people still assume that HIV is just something that affects gay dudes when we know very much in this country, especially the infection rates are on the climb of people who look like you.
ASHLEY
Correct? Correct. Yeah. So that’s why talking about sex is important. And also I, what I found is people tend to, they tend to put HIV here and sex here. They don’t really merge the two, which is very odd to me because Mo most of the people that acquire HIV from that I know acquired through sexual intercourse or sexual activities. Right? So, and we know people have sex ’cause it’s pleasurable and you know, so we should be all talking about it together. It shouldn’t be in, it should be separate. So
KARL
What are your, what are some of your tips or advice maybe for starting those conversations, whether it’s with your girlfriends or your boyfriends with your family, or even with a doctor or a healthcare provider? What are some ways that we can get a little bit more comfortable, Ashley, about talking about s@x?
ASHLEY
If you’re, if you’re, I think if you are someone and you’re having s@x with someone, then you should be able to talk about all types of things. Because if I have to get naked in front of you and do all the things that we do during s@x, right? Having a conversation about, oh, when’s the last, when was your last just regular hospital doctor visit? Should be something very, it shouldn’t be it, it shouldn’t be as of a daunting task as we make it. Right? If I’m, and if I can’t have that conversation with you, then I also maybe should not be having s@x with you.
KARL
Right?
ASHLEY
As a thought.
KARL
What’s the most important message that you’d like to get across when it comes specifically to s@x and HIV and women?
ASHLEY
Okay, one PrEP is for everybody, including women, right? Women should, women should get on, should, should consider PrEP because it allows them to take control of their sexual health. That is really what the message, I want people to do it PrEP. It’s just a, another tool in the toolbox. If you don’t, you don’t have to get on it. But I want you to be aware that it’s an option for you.
KARL
Well, Ashley Cobb, I, there’s never enough time and I have so many questions for you, but we’re out of time on this one. Thank you for joining me though on this episode of Plus Talk.
ASHLEY
Thank you for having me.
KARL
Always a pleasure. That’s gonna do it for this episode of Plus Talk, where we turn positive into a plus. Thanks for watching. Remember, you can follow us across social media. We are at Plus Life Media, and if you want more information, check out the website plus life media.com. Until next time, consider getting on prep. We’ll see you soon. Bye.